Lessons from a broken keychain

I was meeting with a colleague yesterday about a fantastic new outreach initiative our organization is tackling. It was a meeting filled with dreams, good ideas, and innovation. After we wrapped up, I reached in my purse and pulled out my keys.

My broken key chain

And broke my key-chain.

No big deal, right? It's just a key-chain.

Wrong.

This was not just a key-chain. It was a symbol of one of the greatest adventures of my life. This key chain was given to me by a friend while I served in Aceh, Indonesia, in 2005. It was crafted by a woman, a survivor of the deadly tsunami. She lived in an IDP (internally displaced people) camp on the outskirts of Banda Aceh. A community organization had taught the women in this camp how to make beaded key-chains, jewelry, etc as an income generating activity.

When I picked up these keys, I was reminded of my great adventure in Indonesia. I remembered my friends there, the impact the trip had on my life, and the long term difference I was able to make among groups who had experienced one of the most horrific traumas imaginable. I remember fiddling with the key-chain  on numerous occasions, wondering how it had survived the years of abuse at my hands.  It has been attached to keys for five different vehicles, three different offices, and three different homes. It's been thrown around purses and has traveled around the world. Pretty impressive resume for a key-chain, huh?

Banda Aceh days

I was sad when it broke, but I was also reminded of how I'm getting old! Next week will mark seven years from the day I set foot on Indonesian soil for that life altering trip. I grew tremendously as a person during those six months. You can read more about my growth time in Indonesia here if you are interested.

After the key chain broke, I reflected on my life over the past seven years and was reminded of three valuable lessons related to this small trinket on my keys:


Growth sometimes comes through trials. My time in Indonesia was difficult and trying, but I grew emotionally, and spiritually. I've been going through a trial recently, and the key chain reminded me that if I let it, this trial will result in growth as well. James 1:2 reminds us that trials lead to perseverance, which helps to sharpen and perfect us.

Maturity comes through time. I remember things I did and said at the age of 20. It's embarrassing to think about. But maturity comes through time. We can't jump from milk to sushi in the matter of a day. (Yes, sushi. I love sushi) The last seven years have been a time of maturing, and I'm so thankful for that. (I'm sure some of you are rolling your eyes at my reflections of being 27 vs 20, but hey, it feels like a LONG Time to me)

God is constant. Things break. People leave us. Jobs get lost. But God is constant. My key-chain broke after seven years, but God has been around through this whole time. I'm not close with some people I considered my best friends seven years ago, but God has seen me through interpersonal pain and the advent of new friendships. My husband lost his job in January, but God is where our family's true value lies.

If you're experiencing loss, trials, or pain right now, I hope you remember that God is constant and that these things take time. I'd love to hear about any trinkets you have that remind you of a different time in your life. And I'd love to pray for you if you're going through a tough time of testing or waiting.

Masks

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ" - Galatians 1:10, ESV

I've seen a lot of references to being 'true to yourself' over the past couple of days. My pastor, Louie Giglio, tweeted yesterday "If you're always worried about what your friends might think then maybe they aren't your friends after all..... make your ambition to please Jesus. He'll take care of everything else." Those tweets convicted me. I feel I've expelled extensive energy on pleasing people for much of my adolescent and adult life. I worry too much by nature, but my concern for what others 'think' is too frequent and too consuming.

I grew up in the suburbs, and realized pretty quickly in adulthood that my ambitions, dreams, political beliefs and even personality didn't always 'fit in' with other women of my age in my community. I was raised to vote Republican, adhere to Southern Baptist theology, and stick with a list of dos and don'ts. I was surrounded by people who considered being a stay at home mother the ideal situation for themselves and didn't meet very many female leaders in my faith community. Drinking alcohol was a  sin, and homosexuality seemed to be the worst sin on the planet. Now, don't take this the wrong way, I don't think Republicans, Southern Baptists, and stay at home moms are bad. I love my mom, and she stayed at home with us. I think we all have view points and dreams, and these are all good view points and dreams, I'm just offering an illustration of the community I grew up in.

In 2005 I spent six months in Indonesia after the Tsunami. This was a period of tremendous growth and learning for me. I was confronted with more diversity in six months of my life than I had experienced in twenty years of life in Woodstock, Georgia. I met Christians who spoke in tongues, drank beer, and considered themselves Democrats. I met authentic, Godly people who didn't have the exact same beliefs and convictions as me. It was challenging and I struggled to reconcile my beliefs with theirs. But the Lord ultimately brought peace to this struggle and I came to recognize that Jesus was the center and that I had no right to judge someone's walk with Christ. The Christians I met in Indonesia had faith that put my own to shame. They were soul winners, passionate disciples who were changing the world. I realized that I had much to learn from them, as I had been living in a white suburban American Christian bubble.

The ultimate result of that trip was that my own opinions ultimately changed and I found myself not quite fitting into that bubble I had grown up in. I didn't consider all those values I had been raised to adhere to as important as I had in the past. I had friends tell me I had abandoned my beliefs. I had people criticize my desire to help others.  My comments were frequently met with blank stares and uncomfortable silences. There were a few women I connected with and I have so many wonderful friends, but I often felt out of place and awkward. I was that weird girl who would bring up uncomfortable topics at dinner parties and dragged my friends to see foreign films. My passion for social justice consumed me, and I guess it annoyed other people. It didn't annoy everyone, and fortunately my now husband was more fascinated by my weirdness than turned off by it, resulting in him asking me on that first date.  I developed some close friendships during this time and I'm so thankful for my friends. I know that most of my friends have accepted me for who I am, and I have accepted them for who they are.

But I have started to realize that I've not been true to who I am. Its no one's fault but my own. I frequently put on a mask because I don't want to be judged. I don't want people's opinions of me to change. I don't want to be seen as weak or a 'bad Christian'. I disconnected myself from a small group because I felt different, instead of reaching out and being myself. I developed resentment towards close friends because I felt that I had been judged. Was I judged? Probably not. These were my own issues, my own struggles with wanting to be accepted. I've even masked myself on this blog. I've held back and only written about stuff that I thought I was 'supposed' to write about. But, in the last couple of months God has really been working on me. Through this, God has been helping me to peel off these masks. He's been showing me that it's okay to not be okay. Its okay to be myself. He made me the way I am for a reason. He's thrown opportunities my way and allowed me and Brent to begin to reconnect into Christian community.

Its exhausting to wear a mask every day. I'm challenging myself to peel them off and be who God made me to be. I'm attempting to not worry about what my friends think or how I'm culturally 'supposed' to act. I'm going to focus on Jesus and allow Him to guide me. He's been providing and guiding the Laney's in tremendous ways this year. It has been painful at times, but ultimately so beautiful and victorious. He's reshaping us to be more like Him and I think He has redirected our paths that will change our lives. If I'm spending time with Jesus and searching His Word and listening for His voice, He will be pleased. And that's all that matters.

I wonder if I'm alone with my 'mask' issues. If you struggle with masks too, know that I'm praying for you. I pray everyone can throw off their masks and we can all embrace each other in our differences. Jesus has big plans for each of us, and all He wants us to do is please Him, trust Him, and allow Him to mold and shape us to His image.

Unthinkable things

My friend Steve just wrote a blog post, and I just had to share it.

Check out The Patch Our Planet Blog, its excellent. Steve shared some information he learned about at the Christian Alliance for Orphans conference in southern California. The post is entitled 'The Unthinkable is happening again', and the title drew me in. He started by reminding us about the horrendous Rwandan Genocide of 1994. When I began reading the post, I immediately thought that he was about to go into a discussion of another genocide or gross human rights violation of our time. There are many to choose from, unfortunately.

But Steve went on to detail what is going on Rwanda today. Rwanda has dramatically decreased the number of orphans and orphanages in their country. They are pioneering a groundbreaking plan to involve communities, churches and individuals to holistically care for their orphans. The western involvement has been collaborative and not controlling. Its an incredible testimony of what happens when people work together to solve a social problem and to care for a vulnerable population. Rwanda's history has been tainted by the genocide, but this is a beautiful reflection of progress, grace, and new beginnings.

Patch Our Planet and the Gillis family are very close to my heart. Steve felt called to start Patch Our Planet after he saw the picture below of a few of my 'babies' in Sudan. These precious children may never know how their image will change the lives of thousands of children around the world. Patch Our Planet is working to find a sustainable, Christ-honoring, and collaborative solution to caring for Orphans around the world. I'd encourage you to check out their website to read more about their mission, vision, and plan. I think it's revolutionary and will change the way the Church and the World cares for the orphan.

Steve's post was also very humbling to me. It is so easy for me to condemn injustice and to not spend as much time heralding success stories. I try to be positive and uplifting, but the injustices in our world are very urgent to me. But even though there are many bad things going on in our world, there are tons of good things going on as well. Many social entrepreneurs have great ideas on how to fix problems, but we don't always hear about how problems are being fixed. The example in Rwanda is one of many, and I'm so grateful that Steve has shared it with all of us. I hope you'll find time to read Steve's blog and check out the Patch our Planet Website- it's good stuff and they're looking for churches and individuals who want to address the needs of orphans around our world.

Puzzles

My boss brought a puzzle into our office the other day. We haven’t had a whole lot going on in our office lately, we’ve been in a bit of a holding pattern, so she thought it would be a fun thing to complete during breaks and lunch time.  The puzzle is a beautiful Van Gough painting of a terra cotta vase with flowers. The entire thing is in muted orange, green, gray and red tones. So, as you can imagine, it was really hard to put together!

We’ve spent hours piecing together the intricate design of the puzzle. Its been frustrating and I’ve wanted to give up several times. I’d find myself trying to force pieces of the puzzle into places they didn’t fit. I’d convince myself that they fit, only to have to take apart that section later when the picture would not come together. I even joked with my boss that I wanted to go buy an easier puzzle at Wal-mart and put it together instead. That way I didn’t ‘give up’ on the first puzzle, I just moved on to the next project. But, even though the puzzle was frustrating and confusing, the futher along we got in piecing it together, the more beautiful it became. Each individual flower, the delicate strokes of the vase, and the mint green background of the painting all came together to form a beautiful piece of art in puzzle form.

The puzzle reminds me of our lives as Christians. Walking with the Lord is easily compared to a puzzle. Each small piece goes together perfectly to form the big picture of our lives.  God made the puzzle and knows the big picture. He knows where each small piece goes.  I know God can put each person’s life puzzle together without our help, but I think ‘active waiting’ is what He desires for us. My Pastor, Louie Giglio, talked about this two Sundays ago. He made reference to Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart”. Louie went on to talk more about the context of this verse. Verse 3 says “Trust in the Lord, and do good.” Verse 7 says “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him”. This passage in context is essentially saying ‘wait with God’, do good while waiting. Don’t sit in the arm chair of life, staring at the pieces of the puzzle, asking God to come in and save the day. But we also can’t snatch away the pieces of our puzzle and try to piece them together. We must wait with God, work with God, and He will come through.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not good at the waiting game.  I often get frustrated and confused at the direction of my life. I struggle with having faith in God’s plan and timing and frequently find myself looking for the next thing to come. 2012 has been an especially difficult year in the terms of my life ‘puzzle’. My husband and I have faced spiritual struggles, job loss, financial insecurity, and broken vehicles- just to name a few of the stressors. We’ve questioned God’s plans for our lives both separately and together. My prayer has often been pretty whiny  “Lord, if you have big plans, why are you letting this happen? We were going to pay off half our debt this year. We were planning on serving you in bigger ways. Why did you mess up our plans?”

The key word there is ‘OUR’. I had a plan, I had it all figured out. I wanted to put my life puzzle together without God’s help. It would be comparable to trying to put together a 1000 piece puzzle without having the picture on the box. The Lord said “I know the plans I have for you….plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). He made our life puzzle and wants to put it together with us. I just have to relinquish control and allow Him to guide the process. He knows the big picture, He has the master plan.

So the next time you sit down to put together a complicated puzzle, think about Jesus. Think about the big plans He has for you and the fantastic adventures He has in store. If two pieces fit together perfectly, think about the times that God has revealed to you a piece of the big picture of your life or when His provision has come through in incredible ways. When you try to force a piece in the wrong place, think about the lessons you’ve learned when you’ve tried to do things your own way. And as the big picture of the puzzle you’re building comes together, it’ll make you smile to think about how God is putting together the puzzle of your life each and every day.